LABOR SURE AS SHIT AIN'T A TRIP TO THE ZOO!

I call this one LABOR PAINS because that's pretty much what I sounded like while I was doing it.. I was RUINED from playing hockey yesterday, however Kenny gave not one shit and proceeded to beat the tears out of me. I honestly was making sounds that sounded like a wounded banshee who was left to die alone in the swamp. It sucked... so without further adieu, I give you.. LABOR PAINS!!!!!!

Water Breakage AKA Warm Up - Shoulder press 3 sets of 5 repetitions (I used 100 lbs). At this point you shouldn't be making much noise at all.

START THE CLOCK!

Dilated Cervix AKA The Beginning - Do 75 "Hand Release" Pushups. Basically do a push up but only rest your chest on the ground while you quickly release your hands. Don't let your legs or hips touch. Every time you "break" from the pushups do 7 reverse burpees! That's basically your rest from pushups.

hands are released but hips and legs are not touching the ground

REVERSE BURPEE

REST 3 MINUTES (Not a second longer!) BUT KEEP CLOCK GOING!

AKA Drive to the Hospital cause shit is about to get REAL!

LABOR!!!!

Do 4 rounds of the following after 3 minutes rest from the pushups!

1. Sprint on a treadmill for 1/4 mile! AKA Contractions!

2. Snatch Squats - AKA Breaching of the head! 20 snatches total, 10 on each arm. This is the worst part... prepare to make some guttural animal noises! Its hard to explain a snatch squat so if you can, youtube it or something. I added pictures to help! I used a 20 pound weight.

3. Standing sit-up AKA BIRTH! Do 30 of these, this is easy compared to the pain of a perfectly executed snatch squat.

NOW DO THE WHOLE THING 3 MORE TIMES!!!!! (4 ROUNDS TOTAL)

After you are done you should feel like you gave birth... Maybe gave birth to twins.. And not that pansy drugged up birth either, real hard old school birth where you earn your kids. When there was like a 50% chance of death!

Now, eat protein and sleep... sleep like a swaddled newborn;)